So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
