ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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