Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
