i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
