my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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