There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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