The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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