I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
