I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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