Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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