i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
