ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
