Well douche your snatch and let's go!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
