I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
