Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
