It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
