is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
