we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
