he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
