Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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