You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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