you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
