I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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