i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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