Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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