it's too hot outside to masturbate.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
