Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
