I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
