It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize