I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
