No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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