So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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