So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
