i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
