I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
