My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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