I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
