I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
