seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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