Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i now understand why vodka
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
