I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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