I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
