I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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