All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
