I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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