WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
