it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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