can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
