I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
