I wish I could punch you in the face.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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