how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
