One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
