Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
