i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
