All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
