She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
