I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
